Singer's Journey: Moments of Doubt When Giving Up Seemed Easier

"Please be upstanding for the world's most confusing House of Games contestant and Bake Off failure, Self Esteem!"

This is how Rebecca Lucy Taylor — known as the acclaimed pop artist Self-Esteem — makes her entrance onto the stage at London's Duke of York's Theatre.

It's a typically irreverent comment, an example of the dry wit she uses to sweeten the sincerity and anger of her music.

The voice offstage goes on, 'Feel free to snap pictures and record videos,' because she requires all the assistance she can muster.'

That, as well, is purely humorous.

Three years ago, Taylor released her second album, Prioritise Pleasure, a body-shaking manifesto for female self-worth that bristled at society's expectations while acknowledging her own shortcomings ("Sexting you at the mental health talk seems counterproductive," she observed on Moody).

Following a decade with the moderately successful indie group Slow Club, this album launched her into unexplored territories.

She graced magazine covers, received nominations for both the Mercury Prize and Brit Awards, took center stage in "Cabaret," opened for Adele, and even appeared on Celebrity Bake Off – though sadly, she ended up burning her crumpets during that experience.

"The week that Prioritise Pleasure came out, my whole life changed," she reflects.

It wasn’t about money or popularity, but it felt as though a tight knot in my stomach had finally unraveled.

Then everybody said, 'Could you repeat that, please?'

Taylor divided her efforts to create the follow-up, "A Complicated Woman," which releases this Friday.

Following her debut performance of the album in the West End on Wednesday, she characterizes the development process as "difficult," "isolating," and "anguishing."

She describes over the following day’s telephone conversation that it was extremely nerve-wracking trying to bring her thoughts into action.

I had such grand ambitions, yet I'm still lacking the necessary resources to achieve them on the scale I envisioned.

A part of the issue was a rigorous, yet self-assigned, timeframe.

She explains, 'The music industry operates with the mindset that you have only 10 minutes before you’re replaced by someone else.'

I felt compelled to sign up for another album if I wished to expand upon my previous work.

Even though it was excruciatingly difficult and things seemed incredibly bleak, the moment I step back onto the stage to perform, I feel,'Ah, this is what makes it all worthwhile.'

It all unravels

Not only has she released a fresh album, but she has also crafted an audacious and stunningly dramatic theatrical show to accompany it.

The setting is a minimalistic reproduction of the community center where eight-year-old Becky from Rotherham took her first tap dancing lessons.

" All you wanted was to sing / You had no idea what it would bring ," recalls an older, more cynical version of that child – as she assesses her life at the age of 38.

" This really is all there is, and that's what you've got to get comfortable with. "

When the performance begins, 10 dancers stand on each side of her, wearing simple clothes reminiscent of those seen in "The Handmaid's Tale."

Initially, their movements are stiff and restricted but, as Taylor describes suffocating relationships with emotionally-stunted men, they start to thrash and jerk their bodies.

"We start in that world where we're shackled, and then we exorcise it," Taylor explains.

Throughout the series, everything eventually falls apart and everybody ends up being their true selves rather than adhering to social conventions.

A four-night theatre residency is an unusual way to launch an album. The audience is unfamiliar with most of the songs, and no-one's sure whether to absorb the performance attentively, or sing along and dance.

Several times, laughter ripples through the theatre as the singer's more acerbic observations hit home. The following morning, she's not quite sure what to make of the reaction.

Each time folks chuckle, my spirits drop," she remarks. "Yet I think, isn’t it because the lyrics are humorous?"

I enjoy transforming the laughter into sentiment. It seems as though people are laughing due to discomfort.

Ultimately, the spectators echo the story unfolding onstage. Overcoming their unease, they stand from their seats and begin to create a tremendous commotion.

The music serves as a backdrop for unity – something that turns out to be Taylor's intent.

A Complex Woman could be just as sharp and impactful as her previous work, yet the tunes were crafted for arenas.

"Do you recall the song 'One Day Like This' by Elbow?" she enquires. "The one that starts with, ' Throw those curtains wii-iide '?

When it was first released, I became obsessed with that song and, truthfully, I listened to it repeatedly at the studio and declared, 'I have to cover this.'

I found great inspiration from aiming to be part of World Cup highlight reels. It’s a type of footage that I genuinely love watching.

However, that's only part of the narrative. This album delves into the intricate and conflicting urges of a 30-something woman.

Recently released single number 69 is an energetic house track where Taylor discusses her sexual experiences with unapologetic frankness. Think of something along the lines of Madonna’s "Justify My Love," only with Taylor taking center stage. really being honest.

"The concept has been in my mind for years: ranking different sexual positions to eliminate any ambiguity when potential partners discuss preferences," the musician chuckles.

However, there's also a more political aspect, which is that women continue not to express their desires in the bedroom. And I feel, I cannot endure this anymore. Can we simply have fun and enjoy making love?

While it may not earn an Ivor Novello Award for its lyrics, I believe it holds its own within the album, featuring moments that are more emotionally resonant and profound.

These instances encompass "The Curse," an uplifting ballad addressing her use of alcohol as a means to alleviate anxiety, potentially marking it as one of the finest compositions from Self Esteem.

Her top choice, though, is titled "In Plain Sight." This song is a joint effort with South African artist Moonchild Sanelly, serving as a reaction to the backlash they have faced for expressing their opinions openly.

" The world is defining who I am, yet I believed I had known myself all this time. Says Sanelly through a partly improvised rap.

" I diminish myself to maintain harmony, praying I don't lose sight of my resolve. ."

Taylor instantly recognized this sensation.

As anticipation grew for Prioritise Pleasure in 2021, she began receiving "disturbing messages" on social media, causing her significant distress.

She mentions being quite startled when she encountered her first instance of grief, as nobody had previously cared enough to react so strongly to her actions.

Others might tell you to disregard such incidents, yet imagine attending a wedding where everything was delightful until someone called you an [expletive]. Who would likely be on your mind when you returned home? This is simply part of our human nature.

In time, the criticism began to weigh heavily on them.

She mentions that there were times when she thought about throwing in the towel, which surprised her since she has always been this stubborn and furious person for such an extended period.

However, in recent years, particularly given how the world has been, I have certainly experienced moments where I felt compelled to safeguard myself and remain silent.

The most sorrowful part of the album, truly. Yet, I discovered a path forward.

“And if I manage to do it, I really hope the whole world can as well, understand?”

That realization serves as the binding element in "A Complicated Woman."

Life is never easy, she says. No-one is ever truly satisfied. Relationships are hard work. You can't please everyone. But that's OK. You're OK. Trust your gut.

She sums it up on Focus Is Power, held aloft by the sound of a gospel choir: " And now I see it clear with every passing of each year / I deserve to be here ."

On stage in London, she sings those final lines a capella with her dancers and backing singers, arms wrapped around each other in a display of female solidarity.

It's a relieving moment following the intense process of completing the album.

She remarks, 'There’s immense happiness in embracing femininity and simply being true to oneself can be breathtaking.' She adds, ‘The key is figuring out how to make that happen.’

With that, she heads out to make adjustments for the show’s next performance. Following this, she needs to figure out how to adapt the West End production for a UK touring schedule.

"I'll do what I can to make it continue, but it's a huge risk because there's so little revenue from anything else," she says.

Ultimately, though, her ambition is undimmed.

"I want to make 20 albums, I want to do bigger theatre shows," she says.

Naturally, it would be helpful if I could 'transition' since all tasks become simpler when you have additional assets at your disposal.

“But yesterday evening I thought, ‘Wow, you actually accomplished what you aimed to do.’ So now I’m doing well.”

• Confidence: As I grow larger, my presence appears increasingly intimidating.
• She fares better off alone when it comes to self-esteem.
• Self Esteem's Meadowhall Dome T-Shirts Expand Worldwide
• Sage stands out with Self Esteem during the Proms festival hosted event.

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